Discretion? Vodka? What?

This is a postcard stuck to my fridge. I must have seen it dozens of times every day for months, maybe years, and I still can’t figure out what the hell it means. I just can’t understand! Discretion is the best part of vodka. Discretion… is the best part of vodka. I’m no Shakespeare scholar – the only reason I know it’s Shakespeare is because I looked it up on Wikipedia (you just can’t turn Wikipedia into a verb, can you? You can Google something but you just can’t Wikipedia it. Too many syllables, ends in a vowel, feels wrong.) and I know that the proper quote is “better” not “best”. Turns out it’s said by Falstaff in Henry IV part one.

Falstaff: ‘The better part of valour is discretion; in the which better part I have saved my life.’

So it means doing nothing is often better than doing something and fucking things up. Okay. But what does that mean in the context of this god-damn postcard? I can’t fathom it. Is it a cautionary sign saying drink vodka in moderation? That seems to go against its nudge-nudge “comical T-shirt from the market featuring overuse of MS Comic Sans” vibe. And why is the sign shaped like a beer-tap label?

The nearest I can figure it, it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just a well-known saying where someone has swapped one of the words with the word “vodka”. Boy, that really steams me up.


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